Mantyhose in real life

A few months back, I posted about a new fashion trend:  pantyhose for men, or mantyhose.  My main source was an online magazine which has completely devoted itself to promoting the new look.  All the men in it were paid models.  So I think people asked themselves:  do people actually wear these?  In real life?
Yes.
In my perusal of The New York Times Magazine, I happened upon this candid shot of an attendee at the Jean Paul Gaultier fashion show in Paris.  He's walking down the stairs, so if you were there (lucky you), you might have only seen him from the waist up at first, before he rounded the corner.

 (source for the image, which is in a slideshow you'll enjoy, here)

He looks normal, right?  Then he turns the corner, and you see him from the waist down:

Now I'll let you enjoy the entire Look in all its glory:

You know what really makes the outfit?  The knife holster.  I mean, he wanted to be clear that although he's wearing fishnet stockings and mini-shorts, he can still cut you.  

A tie for all occasions

When my brother got married, the men in the wedding party were given beautiful matching pink ties.  My grandfather had been wearing a fancy looking blue tie.  When he saw my brother coming towards him with the new one, a twinkle appeared in his eye as he proudly unzipped his tie.  I know lots of people have them, but he's in his 80's, so it was pretty surprising.  And he was so pleased with himself.  That's why I think he would also find this tie appealing. 

(source here)

The pillow tie company's motto is: 

"Because most functions that require a neck tie... deserve to be slept through."

I'm pretty sure I don't know any men who wouldn't find this appealing.  And it looks like a regular tie:

(source here)

We can thank Lisa R. for saving us the narcoleptics among us from brain injury. 

Every Girl's Dream

I have found the perfect Halloween accessory for you. Nay, the perfect year-round accessory for the man who really wants to show the ladies what he's got.
I give you: the chest rug.

(source here)

You can all thank me when this becomes a fad and spreads like wildfire.  

So much to look forward to. 

Chicken Diapers

As I changed a very poopy diaper this evening I thought to myself:  there will come a time in my life when I will never have to do this again.  Some people just can't get enough of it.

(source here)

That is a picture of a chicken wearing a diaper.  So that it can live in the house.  And it is not a fluke, not some strange single person in the woods in Montana.  There's an entire company, Hen Savers, that makes these, um, garments, along with other interesting products.  

The diapers, called Hen Holsters, have a spot to attach a leash.  And washable liners.  Because although they are free-range, and have full access to the house, they're not free to, um, totally be themselves.  If you know what I mean.

Thanks Heather T.

What do you think the catch phrase for Hen Holster commercials should be?

Bacon, bacon, everywhere

After the invasion of the talking cuties, I decided it would be a good idea for us to kick back and savor some comfort food.  I hadn't had bacon in over a year when my mother-in-law fried some up last week.  Mmmmmmmm.  Bacon.  Now, I know what you're thinking.  We've featured funny bacon inspired products before:  bacon lip balm, Mr Bacon vs Monsieur Tofu action figures, chocolate-covered bacon... I think I've highlighted even more.  And there's more than I'm even going to post here.  Apparently, bacon is truly inspiring.  Perhaps bacon-obsessed enthusiasts should just let everyone know about their passion.  Really fly the bacon colors.

(source here)

I hope this belt comes with a lot of holes for all the loosening it's going to be doing.  You'll need to pay for that bacon belt, so you need to get out your wallet.

(source here)

In case of an emergency this wallet cannot be used as an alternative food source.  Oooo, I better check the time.  Looking at all these bacon products makes my mouth water.  

(source here)

Yep.  Definitely bacon time.  Yum.

Clean shmean

These slippers can only mean one of two things.

(source:  a Wal-Mart in Orem, UT)

You are either 

A) such a neat freak that you want to be cleaning every second of every day, or 

B) so lazy that you bought these in the hope that if you put them on, a path of cleanliness will appear as you shuffle between the couch, the TV, and the refrigerator.  

I think we all know which one is the better option.

Thanks to Keri W. and Matt W. for keeping us all so clean

Watch out for dinosaurs

I'm thinking of buying a new watch.  Something classy.  This one is out of my price range, but it looks cool.  The dial is made of something called coprolite.

(source here)

Which is dinosaur poop.  Being a mom, I'm always looking for more opportunities to get poop on my hands.  

You better drive safely, cause this sure won't help

[First off, I need to apologize profusely for leaving you all hanging for the last few days.  My brother got married yesterday (congratulations!) and I just didn't get to the blog.  I hope you'll understand and accept my sincerest apologies.  Apologies so sincere I want to offer you a gift:  the gift of laughter.  I'm so generous.]

I've done a lot of driving this weekend and I was thinking I want you all to be protected while you drive; I want you to be safe.  So I think you should all enjoy this blast from the weirdo past:

(source here)

Please be safe.  Wear more than just a felt hat as protection if you fear head injuries.  

Here's the small print if you're having trouble reading it: 

"The Motorway Cap is specially designed to give motorists protection from HEAD INJURIES and incorporates the special 'No. 11 anti-shock felt' developed by the British Hat and Feltmakers Research Association.  The hat is made in a smart and fashionable shape, and in a variety of colours." (emphasis added)

Clearly the British Hat and Feltmakers Research Association has it in for the motorists:  

"He he, we'll call it the No. 11 version so they'll think we tested it on other versions first!  Bwa ha ha!"

Welcome to every rest stop you've ever been to

Friends, I know you know what I'm talking about.  You are on a road trip.  You stop to use the potty.  And as you wait in the line, you marvel at the strange grouping of, um, things, that are for sale in the gas station.  I decided to snap a few pics for you (using Hannah's camera; thanks sis).  First up, the slippers.

(source:  a very nice gas station somewhere between Tacoma and Richland Washington)

Bandanna slippers, as Keri called them.  My husband said he would totally wear them.  Gag.  

Next, a little further along the line (which, incidentally, you can see in the far left of this shot.  Gotta love a good gas station line), I spotted this doll.

(um, same place, about two feet further on)

Is she sporting the Protector Hood?  Ha ha, no, she's wearing mosquito netting.  With her glasses on top.  What shall we name this dolly?  Gypsy Marge?  Freedom Fest Flo?  Lover of Freedom and all things bug-proof?  Hippy Hilda?  So many choices.  

Tomorrow I'll tell you about the display case on the way out.  How I love America.  

Pinch me, I must be dreaming!

I can not believe they made these - color changing heat sensitive clothing. Apparently they actually were a popular fad at one time. Does anyone remember Hypercolor tee-shirts?

(source here)

This product really sounds like a bad nightmare. But instead of discovering you're naked as you walk in to school, you're dressed but everyone can see your 'hot spots'. What's worse is that this is reality and you can't wake up!

Quick! Call 911!

Man down! Man down! Ok people, we've been through this, don't lose your heads! Alright you there! Go press the red emergency button on the wall!

(source here)

Thank goodness for the Emergency Yodel Button! For a second I thought all was lost. That's right, just "press the button to hear the sweet mellifluous warbling of an alpine yodel." That is why you should always be prepared, my friends. Thankfully I remembered to pack my Emergency Clown Nose just in case of this kind of catastrophe. What catastrophe calls for a clown nose - I do not know.

(source here)

What's that? You have Coulrophobia? I'm so sorry! Calm down, calm down, it's going to be alright. Jeez. Just keep your pants on. Oh.. I scared you pretty bad huh? Here you can use my pair of pre-packaged emergency underpants.

(source here)

They don't have a merit badge for this kind of preparedness, you know.

Do they come in dreadlocks?

What nice blonde hair this model has.

(source here)

Ha!  You thought she looks normal don't you?  Take a closer look at her ears.  Yep.  She's wearing hair rings:  "Bijules NYC hair rings made of dyed real human hair."  

(same source here)

Doesn't everyone want hair coming out their ears?  What's more, they cost a measly $286.  I think they should also come with rings for hairy knuckles.  Another look we're all wanting to sport. 

So much yodelling

It's taken me awhile but I have finally found the perfect accessory for the yodelling pickles you all have.  I know, I know, you can thank me later.  Let me introduce you to:

(source here)

Remote Controlled Yodelling Lederhosen!  [cue applause]

My husband says I have to post this

Hannah W. sent this to me.  So you can blame her.  Or you can blame Tim, my husband, because after I went to the website and saw the detailed instructions (beware--the model is wearing speedos) on how to put on this item of clothing, I hesitated.  I drew back, but I couldn't look away.  The instructions were completely accurate about how to put on a pair of pantyhose.  Except they aren't pantyhose.  They're mantyhose.

(source here)

This image is from a men's magazine: e-mancipate.net: Hosiery Fashion Magazine For Men.  They're "military green".  Yep.  I can totally picture it.

Never thought I'd picture this though:

(source here)

What do YOU think the models were thinking?

I'm so Proud.

Sometimes, my dear readers, we come across a product (as Juli M. did) that truly represents America at its pinnacle of greatness.  An object that, when we see it, we cannot help but think:  I am in the United States.  Humming "My country tis of thee," I'm brought to tears when I look at it and think that in just three weeks, I'll be returning to my beloved home country after living abroad for three years.

(source here)

I weep for America.