Financial Disclosure

Today I read an article about a blogger whose readers sometimes berated her for putting ads on her site, like "how dare you make money off of our interest in your life".  Evidently only tabloids are supposed to benefit from views into private lives.

So I've decided to tell you how much money I've made.  So much that I need a special container to carry it all.  A snazzy coin purse.

(source here)

I love that I have to decide whether to put my money in the peanut butter side or the jelly side.  Another choice, for the veggie lovers among us: 

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Yes.  It's an eggplant.  It makes even less sense than the PB & J coin purse.  Eggplant?
Then again, what vegetable would make more sense?  

You better drive safely, cause this sure won't help

[First off, I need to apologize profusely for leaving you all hanging for the last few days.  My brother got married yesterday (congratulations!) and I just didn't get to the blog.  I hope you'll understand and accept my sincerest apologies.  Apologies so sincere I want to offer you a gift:  the gift of laughter.  I'm so generous.]

I've done a lot of driving this weekend and I was thinking I want you all to be protected while you drive; I want you to be safe.  So I think you should all enjoy this blast from the weirdo past:

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Please be safe.  Wear more than just a felt hat as protection if you fear head injuries.  

Here's the small print if you're having trouble reading it: 

"The Motorway Cap is specially designed to give motorists protection from HEAD INJURIES and incorporates the special 'No. 11 anti-shock felt' developed by the British Hat and Feltmakers Research Association.  The hat is made in a smart and fashionable shape, and in a variety of colours." (emphasis added)

Clearly the British Hat and Feltmakers Research Association has it in for the motorists:  

"He he, we'll call it the No. 11 version so they'll think we tested it on other versions first!  Bwa ha ha!"

Quick! Call 911!

Man down! Man down! Ok people, we've been through this, don't lose your heads! Alright you there! Go press the red emergency button on the wall!

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Thank goodness for the Emergency Yodel Button! For a second I thought all was lost. That's right, just "press the button to hear the sweet mellifluous warbling of an alpine yodel." That is why you should always be prepared, my friends. Thankfully I remembered to pack my Emergency Clown Nose just in case of this kind of catastrophe. What catastrophe calls for a clown nose - I do not know.

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What's that? You have Coulrophobia? I'm so sorry! Calm down, calm down, it's going to be alright. Jeez. Just keep your pants on. Oh.. I scared you pretty bad huh? Here you can use my pair of pre-packaged emergency underpants.

(source here)

They don't have a merit badge for this kind of preparedness, you know.