Afraid of Rats?

Lean in close because I'd like to keep this just between you and me.  When I was 13 my family vacationed in an old chateau in France thanks to one of my dad's work connections.  It was surreal--a house that was there during the French Revolution.  We spent days exploring all the rooms, looking into strange boxes and wondering how the local noble had managed to escape the terror unscathed (he hid in a closet--the only one that wasn't searched--then went out a secret passage in the wine cellar.  Really).

One morning we were in what I believe had been the childrens' nursery, so most of the boxes contained old toys or cobwebs.  My older brother and sister picked up a box and said "Whoa!  What's this?"  It moved.  As my brother held it in his hands, something inside it scurried furiously and scratched the sides of the box.  I calmly walked over to the nearest bed and stood on it.  Ok, that's what I thought I was doing in my head, really I had some sort of freakish anxiety attack wherein I calmly walked in my head but I actually began screaming and jumping up and down towards the bed, trying to leave my feet on the ground for as little time as possible.
EEK! *jump*
EEEEEK!! *jump*
EEEEEKKK!!!*jump*  

My voice became more shrill and desperate every time my feet had to touch the floor. Then, when I had reached the bed and everyone was staring at me, my two siblings smirked and opened the box to reveal a toy wind-up mouse, which THEY HAD ACTUALLY FOUND EARLIER THAT MORNING AND PUT BACK IN THE BOX.

Why tell you this?  As a warning.  If you get this thing anywhere near me don't plan on making it out of my house alive.  And I'm looking at you Siblings #1 and #2.  Yeah.  You know who you are.

(source here)

Candles, the new product for men

Potpourri is so 90's.  Today's man needs candles to make his room a man-cave.  Just the right candle for just the right man.  A stinky man.

(source here and here)

Other great scents you so want to have around all the time:  Garage, Fishing Dock, and Fart.  A fart you can safely light.  

The Rest Stop: Part II

After using the lovely facilities, we walked past the display case below the cash register.  What if someone bought every item?  What would they be like?

Behind the glass we have:  tobacco pipes. alarm clocks, camouflaged led flashlights, round kites (on the left--sorry for the camera phone quality), toe rings, and a 2 GB memory stick.  And that's not all that was in there. A little to the left of the kites were fish eggs, key chains, skull earrings, and a TracMe locator beacon.  In case such a person could ever EVER be lost.  Just in case the smoke from their pipe, camo light, kite, and the glint from their bling all fail.  

So much yodelling

It's taken me awhile but I have finally found the perfect accessory for the yodelling pickles you all have.  I know, I know, you can thank me later.  Let me introduce you to:

(source here)

Remote Controlled Yodelling Lederhosen!  [cue applause]

Happy Father's Day

Happy Father's day!  
We love you enough to feed you out of a tire.

(Source here)

MMmm.  Axle grease.

I think this next one is cool.  I do love me some chocolate, and dads are always looking for new tools--I just worry about the suggestion that I think my father should swallow a saw.

(Source here)

We love you dads!  

Sometimes there just aren't words.

This is an electronic yodelling pickle.  THIS is a y-o-d-e-ll-i-n-g PICKLE.  I...wha...who...why...huh?  I just...I'm speechless.

(Source here)

It's Action Figure Day here on What Weirdos

I must admit, just between us, that when I first started this blog I was a bit concerned that I wouldn't find enough items to do a daily post.  Ha!  My cup overfloweth.  In fact, I had a different post planned for today, but... I just couldn't resist.

Are you one of those people who worry about the level of violence portrayed or encouraged by toy companies?  I have a solution.  Literary action figures!
How about Jane Austen and Edgar Allen Poe?





(Austen source here, Poe source here) 

Can you imagine playing with these two together?
"It is a truth universally acknowledged that a single man in possession of a large fortune must be in want of a wife.  Hint, hint."
"For the last time, I am not marrying you! Nevermore! Nevermore!"

Not capturing your beating heart?  Want to be every kid's hero yourself but aren't a firefighter or other typically hero-esque profession?  There are action figures for you too!

Are you a painter?



(Source here)

or the Lunch Lady?



(Source here)

Okay, I think the lunch lady is my favorite.  She's got that hairnet, and the food is interchangeable, but you can't really tell what it is.  Perfect for the aspiring school lunch chef.

Doesn't it almost feel like we're singing that classic song "Oh, who are the people in your neighborhood, in your neighborhood, in your neighBORHOOD, oh!..." Oh.  We forgot a very important person in the neighborhood, didn't we?  Someone you want your kids to emulate and look to as their hero.  A mentor, an example, someone who's house you've sworn never to go into again after that last fiasco we shall not speak of?  You guessed it.  I give you:  The Crazy Cat Lady Action Figure!



(Source here) 

Trying to forget what happened on Hoth

A long time ago, in a galaxy far far away, there was a really cold planet called Hoth. There, out of desperation, our young jedi in training, Luke Skywalker (after seeing a vision of his former master, Obi-wan, or Ben Kenobi telling him to go to Degoba), is put by his friend Han Solo into the steamy stinky gut of a creature called a tauntaun. Han had found him freezing to death and going in and out of consciousness. In this never before heard sequence (and not really heard right now), we get to hear the thoughts of our hero:

Ben... Ben... I don't want to go to Degoba.... So cold.....Can't I use the force to make some heat or something? I'm sosososo cccccollld. HaHaHan? Is that you? Ben.... Degoba.... Wha.....wha...warm. So warm. mmmm. Squidgy.

Smelly.
What the... Where am I?

When you were pretending to be Luke Skywalker as a child (or just an hour ago--come on, admit it), isn't that the exact scene you most wanted to recreate? Not the cool fighter sequences ("red leader, checking in"..."stay on target"), or where Luke and Han are given medals by Leia, or even that "Luke, I AM your father" scene, but the tauntaun guts. Really? Then I have the perfect thing for you:

(http://shop.starwars.com/catalog/product.xml?topcatID=1300264;product_id=1317594)

Thanks to Juli for putting us on this tauntaun's trail.