The Knight Visitor

Yesterday I entered a chilli cook-off.  I won a night in my bathroom.
A Knight to Remember.

(source here)

Ha, ha, just kidding.  I only won the night, not the knight.  

Too bad; he could have told me medieval poop jokes while I did my bidness.

"Some people don't like going through trap doors.  

With this suit on, I couldn't go without one."

Thanks goes to Juli M. for the shining bathroom armour, 

and to Lisa R. for the trap door.  

So That's what it means!

Ever encountered one of those stick figure diagrams that takes longer to figure out than if they'd just written out the instructions?   The people at Noisebot have it all figured out:

(source here)

According to this I've been cheated out of a lot of bacon over the years. 

Thanks for the help Juli M.!

Duck Humor

WARNING:  THIS POST CONTAINS AN UNCENSORED BATHROOM PHOTO

I was in K-Mart the other day when I found this shower curtain (this photo is from the K-Mart website; it is not the uncensored photo I warned of above):

(source here)

Each bird is helpfully labelled.  Apparently in the world of shower ducks, there are cowboy ducks, funky ducks, fashion ducks, yupee ducks, poker ducks, surfer ducks, dreamy ducks, moroccan ducks, doctor ducks, french ducks, and even sitting ducks.  And they're all appropriately dressed to fit their persona.  Except for the French duck.  Why is it cream with brown stripes on its tushie?  It's in the bottom row on the far left.  Are those supposed to be boot marks?  Poor french duck.  

Now to the uncensored picture.  I'm sure you've sometimes thought I'm vilifying the makers of products featured here on WhatWeirdos.  Not so.  Ladies and Gentlemen, I give you , my bathroom: 

It's my bathroom.  And it's uncensored.  You were expecting something else?!
This is a family site!  

You Weirdos!

RIP Soap Week

If you've sunk your teeth into the fabulousness of soap week here on WhatWeirdos,

(source here)

I'd like to remind you what will happen if you don't wash your hands.

(source here)

Either that or your arms will fall off. 

(source here)

Thanks to Heather T. for sending us these teeth, and a very special thank you to dugshop on Etsy for giving me permission to post their soap pics.

Out, out darn spot!

I have been looking for this all week!   It looks like a regular, white bar of soap, until you get it wet, then the lather turns red.  If you prefer that your victims think they have the plague, and not like they just walked into a scene from Macbeth, there's a bar that turns black instead.

(source here)

"We're going to catch those thieves red-handed."

"What color are their hands now?"

Wait, where did this soap come from?

When I think of soap, I think of cleanliness.  Breezy scents.  Bathtubs...  That kind of thing.  The makers of this "Uplifting Soap" with a citrus blend of essential oils and mandarin red, went another way.

(source here)

Um.  Okay.....

Trimming Soap

Oh. My. Gosh. Look at this soap:

(source here)

Yeah.  Looks totally insipid (i.e. dull, uninteresting.  I can't believe I am looking up words in a thesaurus after midnight.  Someone please stop me).  

Here's Dr James Slimming Soap's description: 

"Dr James Slimming Soap reduce cellulite of skin, burning fatty acid,  firming, smoother and more perfect body Increase the metabolic rate and blood circulation, remove cellulite effectively and easily,developing sleeker skin and firming Body."

Ha!  That's the reason I've been gaining weight!  It's not that I've been snarfing cake, it's that I've been using the wrong soap!  Dove, you have failed me. 

MMMmmm. Soap.

Continuing this week's soapy theme are today's soapsicles, or soapypops, from Soapylove.

(Source here)

They look so mouth-watering.  And yet, not. 

Remember these yummy rocket popsicles from when you were little?

(Source here)

Each layer of this soap supposedly smells like the inspiration:  cherry, lime, and berry.  

Ha! I just realized this is an even better way of getting back at the neighborhood children than yesterday's HandSoap.  Whoa.  It just occurred to me that you may think I have it out for kids.  Not at all.  I just think that children wash their hands a lot.  Or they should.  So, spread the pranking around! Bring these to the office for April Fool's as a special treat.  You could even keep them in the freezer till breaktime ;)

Bwahaha!

Seen some weird soap?  Send it in!  By the end of the week, we'll be completely clean.  And completely weirded out. 

Real Handsoap

In this bag, is handsoap.

(source here)

Ha, ha, you thought I meant handsoap as in soap for your hands.  Well, I do, but I also mean something else. Look closely at that bag.  Wait.  Is that...

(same source, here)

Why, yes.  Yes it is.  Hand.  Soap.  You should always remember to wash your hands... er... I mean Your hands.  In fact, if you're having problems with all the noisy kids in your neighborhood, invite everyone over for a BBQ.  Then suggest--suggestion is key here, you don't want the parents getting suspicious--that the little ones wash their hands before they eat.  You might even volunteer to supervise, out of the goodness of your widdle heart.  When Cindy-Lou Who asks where the soap is, you give her a hand.  Bwahaha!  

Nose, this one's for you

Today, we celebrate the nose.  And all the things it can apparently do.

Noses don't just need tissue, they can provide it to.  And, this is customizable.  Who would you put on Your tissue box?

(Source here)

This next one separates the egg whites from the yolk.  And reminds you of those special times in your life when you felt like you had  faucet attached to your face.  

(Source here)

A good hot shower sure is great when you have a cold.  Now you can think of that special feeling Every time you're in the shower!

(Source here)

Moms can't even escape wiping noses when they're in the shower.

Thanks to Juli M. for sticking her nose in here ;)

Where we do all our thinking. And so much more.

The number one area I receive the most email about is the potty.  Apparently you guys think about it a lot.  Or merchandizers do.  I think it has something to do with how much time we all spend there.  Well, here are a few things, to make the time just sail on by.

This first one is also a Public Service Announcement:  Please, please, please, PLEASE don't ever put my face on your toilet paper.  I beg of you.  I apologize for anything you may think I've done to you in the past.  Please.

(Source here)

Moving along.  You'll need a place to put that picture of the girl who beat you up in 6th grade.  Maybe she's even visiting you and you want to make sure she feels "welcome".  Record a message for her!

(Source here)

Too noisy for your quiet contemplation?  A few soulful tunes would be nice.

(Source here)

Okay, I know some of you geeks are totally about to hit the "Secretly want it" button for this one.  Just do me a big favor guys.  Wash your hands BEFORE picking  your iPod back up.  Because later when you hand it to me to see the funny vid you just put on it... Man.  Now I'm going to start asking myself.  Where has this iPod been?

Of course, you'll definitely want a friend to share this whole experience with.  That's why you'll want the Toilet for Two:

(Source here)

THIS IS REAL.  In fact, the minimum order is twelve.  TWELVE.  What would you say if you saw this at a friends house? 

"Can I use your...um... Please don't tell me you need to go too."

Thanks to Heather T. for the talking TP holder and Juli M. for the iPod accessory.  I hear every real geek has one.  

The refreshing feeling of dog slobber

I must tell you that I'm not really a dog person... or a cat person... or any sort of animal person.  Not because I don't think they're lovably cute, but because my mother had some allergies which I inherited (no, I will not disclose to which animals, because some people just can't accept that not everyone wants to cuddle Mr. Snuffleupagus.  I swear though, it's all my mom's fault).  So.  You people.  The people with pets.  Do you really love it when your dog slobbers all over you?  Does it make you feel clean?  Like you are fresh out of the shower?



(Source here)

Beyond the bodily fluids gushing out on me when I'm in the shower issue, is the look on the poor little pug's face.  He Knows.  He knows that this is wrong, that poor diddle doggies should not have shower heads stuck in their mouths... but what can he do?

Let's all shout out a thanks to Heather T. for making the connection for us between cute cuddly animals....and  them spittling all over us.

The Fish 'n Flush

You thought this was about what to do with the bad fish you caught on that last trip didn't you? No, no, no! It's about you having some extra friends... watching you while you... ponder. Always watching. What do you suppose they're saying to each other?

"This is horrible! Get us out of here! Help! Help!"

"There are two reasons I don't like this tank:
number 1...and of course number 2."

"I hate it here, maybe if we try hard enough we can boldly go."

"We'll get them for doing this to us. What goes around comes around."

(http://www.fishnflush.com/iq_fnf/)

The Cat in his Commode

If you are looking for a solution to the kitty litter problem in your life, The Cat Genie people have figured out a way for you to never have to change the litter again. It's actually pretty cool. It just looks really funny.

LOVE how the cat's licking his paws right there. Yum. And see, the above is just one, um, setting. There are three ways you can get it. Open for all to see, pictured above, sidewalled:

or enclosed for the most privacy:

Here's the important question: How do you decide which one to purchase?

"Kitty! Spot! Felis cattus! There you are my precious. We need to talk. I'm about to spend a lot of money on a gift for you, and I need to seriously know:
How much privacy do you prefer while you do your bidness?"

*MWARR! HISS!*

"Okay! Okay! I said I was sorry about that! Can't you let it go? I didn't realize you were in there! I'll get the enclosed one!"

(http://www.catgenie.com/)

Don't look at me like that

So you're really glad to be rid of Bush then, eh? Are you this glad?

Whoa there, I know. A little much. So how about this then?

Alright! Alright! I know! Fine!

Can we at least agree on who the real enemy is then?

At least now we know the real reason why he's been hiding.

(http://www.theoriginalbowlbuddy.com/index.html)

Thanks to Juli for helping us keep our houses cleaner.