Pinch me, I must be dreaming!

I can not believe they made these - color changing heat sensitive clothing. Apparently they actually were a popular fad at one time. Does anyone remember Hypercolor tee-shirts?

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This product really sounds like a bad nightmare. But instead of discovering you're naked as you walk in to school, you're dressed but everyone can see your 'hot spots'. What's worse is that this is reality and you can't wake up!

TWF Smackdown!

Friday! Friday! Thumb Wrestling Federation SMACKDOWN! Who will win, Daphne, The Digit-Dominatrix Sullivan? Or Theron Thumb-Crusher Williamson? Place your bets on your favorite finger!

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They've even got professional new outfits! TWF standard issue! Now you can watch your favorite contender battle in style.

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You know you secretly want to test your finger tips with these bad boys.

Lethargic Thursday

Today's post is all about sleeping. And napping. And just being lazy. All things I would love to do right now! First up, we have the SlumberSleeve. I've done my fair share of sleeping through classes, but I never knew till now that there was an alternative to having an indentation of the face of my watch on my forehead.

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SkyMall says this product is great for catching a light snooze while you're at work. I don't know if that's really a good idea, but maybe you all suffer from insomnia and that's why you need to catch some Z's. While you're walking around sleeplessly at night, you should at least watch where you're going. With these BrightFeed Lighted Slippers! Yay!

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You'll never stub your toe again. But if you do, why not kick back, put your feet up and relax with a book. On second thought, thick books are like a whole two pounds! Unacceptable. Get the reading valet to hold it for you.

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What would I do if I actually had to use my hands. I mean, relaxing is hard work, man! That's why in the morning, I refuse to even lift my box of corn flakes. I rely on my automated cereal dispenser.

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Now that's more like it. Remember what a "messy and time-consuming chore" pouring cereal used to be? No? No? Anyone? Bueller?
Well, I still say on a day like today you should take it easy. It is Thursday, after all.

The Green Bullet

Have you ever read Ray Bradbury's novel, Fahrenheit 451? It's a monumental American novel about what would happen in a world of censorship - a world where people become complacent about learning and finding knowledge beyond their everyday, boring lives. Some of the characters in the book, instead of reading books, simply watch giant TVs and listen constantly to a "green bullet" that is jammed in their ears and incessantly squeals and runs advertisements and things. You can imagine my horror when I came across these.

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Are you as concerned as I am? (A pair of these are $250, by the way. How many culturally enriching books could you buy with that much money?)

Lonely?

Don't we all get a little lonely at night? Hubby goes on a business trip and you can't snuggle with him? Have no fear - Boyfriend Pillow is here!

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And for you gents, we have a plushy girlfriend's lap for you to rest your head on. You can feel like she's right there for you. Only this pillow won't lovingly stroke your hair. That might be a little too weird..

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But then again the term "weird" is pretty objective.

This is just scary.

I'm sure this product is very practical, but I just can't get over how crazy it looks! It's a child's neck flotation device. It straps right around their neck so that their nose and mouth stay above water, but the rest of their bodies can swim around underneath.

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I can't get over how uncomfortable this looks for a little baby's tender skin and neck! Is this a neck floatie, or a collar of shame? This product seems akin to the BabyCup. Even the little guys know something is wrong.

Don't Use Your Sleeve!

Now mothers, I know you all want to teach your little ones to have good health habbits. Habits like washing their hands and sneezing in to their elbow and making sure they blow hard in to tissues and things. But I wanted to tell you you can relax because Sniffle Buddies has you covered.

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It's a sports wristband type product that kids wear so that they can get the little boogies off their nose with out contaminating their hands with a tissue. One Sniffle Buddy is only $7.99 and it's more eco-friendly than using a lot of Kleenex. What is wrong with this picture?

Oh yeah. Just the habit every mother wants to encourage. "Mommy, I need to blow my nose."

"Oh it's ok sweetie. Just wipe it on your sleeve. Yep there you go, smear it off."

The great thing is, this product isn't just for kids! Sniffle Buddies are available in adult sizes too!

Perfect! The solution I didn't know I needed to the problem I didn't really have. Now I can blow smear my nose even when my I don't have a free hand. It could be a new fashion statement!

Chocolate makes Everything Better?

Everybody loves chocolate. And everyone loves bacon. But could we handle it if bacon and chocolate had a love-child?

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There is a boutique in San Diego that sells these particular heart attacks in disguise. But I've done a little research and there are several specialty shops that sells breakfast meat dipped in happiness. Now take a look at this insult to chocolate's good name:

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Mmm. Chocolate covered halitosis. You could knock someone out with this bad breath. A chocolate shop in Philadelphia (Chocolate By Mueller) is famous for these onions. And just in case you were wondering what your insides look like after consuming these heinous concoctions, here's a visual.

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That's right. Mueller also makes these anatomically correct chocolate hearts. Brings a whole new meaning to the phrase "death by chocolate", doesn't it?

The Perfect Pick for your Nose

remember when you were a kid and you loved shoving things up your nose? Well now you have a chance to relive those glorious days. I had no idea that there was a huge market for nose filter inserts! Just look at a couple of these different models!

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The people on the boxes look so happy with their nose plugged up with these nose "filters". The sad thing is, the plugs really aren't as inconspicuous as the packaging would have you think. You can never be too careful with things like pollen, smog, and toxic fumes, I guess. A Japanese company called Bio-Pit makes these next two models of nasal filters.

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In fact if you go to their website, they even have a delightful little instructional video about how to insert these little wonders. You can watch it at your own risk.

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Don't they look comfy? These filters made by SuperMask are like little screen doors that you put up your nose. They're made of really fine mesh that is supposed to be flexible enough that you can't feel it up your nose at all. Am I the only one that finds that hard to believe?

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These next nosal inserts were invented by David Foggia of Oregon in 2007. At the time they were sold as inserts designed to keep out stinky odors, but now the company is lobbying for approval from the FDA to put things like vaccines on the fluffy inserts. Can you imagine taking your H1N1 vaccine via mini pom poms connected to fishing line? Are you scared yet?

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I bet you had no idea you had so many options when it came to stuffing things up your nose!

Quick! Call 911!

Man down! Man down! Ok people, we've been through this, don't lose your heads! Alright you there! Go press the red emergency button on the wall!

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Thank goodness for the Emergency Yodel Button! For a second I thought all was lost. That's right, just "press the button to hear the sweet mellifluous warbling of an alpine yodel." That is why you should always be prepared, my friends. Thankfully I remembered to pack my Emergency Clown Nose just in case of this kind of catastrophe. What catastrophe calls for a clown nose - I do not know.

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What's that? You have Coulrophobia? I'm so sorry! Calm down, calm down, it's going to be alright. Jeez. Just keep your pants on. Oh.. I scared you pretty bad huh? Here you can use my pair of pre-packaged emergency underpants.

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They don't have a merit badge for this kind of preparedness, you know.

Weirdness -- a New Fragrance by Calvin Klein

Some perfumes claim to make you irresistible to women. Others make you irresistible to classrooms full of pre-schoolers.

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I know most men are partial to a musty Old Spice scent, but nothing gets me going like the smell of wax crayons. Mm mm!

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Just in case you didn't want to be around the real thing, you can just dab on a little Tobacco andWhiskey cologne after you shave.

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Only slightly more manly, is the Sultry Sawdust aroma. Come home to your lady smelling like cedar and pine and everything fine! Even if you don't do any woodworking, you can still smell like someone who does. Women love smelly lumberjacks!

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Now for you ladies, you're in luck! The Sweethearts and the Tootsie Roll perfumes are on sale!

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It will be exactly like you have candy dabbed behind your ears, except not quite so sticky.

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Every body loves to smell minty fresh, why simply brush your teeth when you can use our new Junior Mints scent.

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In fact, why smell clean at all? Just go with the Dirt smell. Yummy!

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Go ahead...DRAW!

Alright everyone, listen up! THIS is a STICK - UP! Don't any body move. I'm Mad-Eye-Mustard and I'm gonna rob this here family bar-be-que. You happy people all have it coming, so just go ahead...make my day. Now hand over the relish, that's it, nice and slow. That's why they call me the Fastest Condiment Gun Slinger in the West.

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Now you all just lay face down on the patio with your hands on your head and I'll walk away slowly. And don't you never tell nobody about this here hold up, you here? Or I swear, you better watch out. You'll be walking down the street one day and you'll get a sandwich condiment in your back!

True Appreciation for Art

There's nothing like a beautiful piece of art work to really complete a room, right? There's nothing that says, "I have great taste, I'm classy, and I'm cultured" like a blow up Starry Night by Van Gogh.

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Or maybe you are more partial to DaVinci's work and would rather ponder the mysterious smile of the Mona Lisa.

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The great thing about this high-class pillow is that when you give her a squeeze, she lets out a peal of laughter (not creepy at all, right?) . She's been smirking at us for all these centuries. The only work of art more unnerving than a giggling pillow is Edvard Munch's "Scream".

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This lovely little number lets out a blood-curdling scream when hugged. How heart-warming! As the description on the retail sight says, this Screaming Scream is perfect for "a friend, a foe, or that special someone." So many options! What an awesome idea. I'm saving this gift idea for next Valentine's day.

Or you could just wear a bag on your head.

For centuries people have been finding clever ways of disguising themselves. Whether they're on the lam, robbing a liquor store, dressing up for halloween, or at Paris Fashion Week apparently.

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German designer Karl Lagerfeld, who sent this handbag down the runway, is said to be a genius and living legend. Most legends wear masks and superhero tights, but a well made and expensive handbag will help you stay in high fashion if you must remain incognito.

For those of us with less expensive taste for disguise and dramatic flair, these 'stache pencils will keep your co-workers guessing when lunches and deserts continue to go missing from the break-room fridge as the Mustached Office Meal Bandit strikes again.

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I know if I were going to do any thieving or double crossing, a mustache would be the way to go. And since fall fashions are just now sneaking in to stores, a nice warm ski-mask/hoody top is the perfect way to bundle up next time you are going out on the town...you know, to rob a bank or something.

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With so many disguise options, it's a wonder everyone doesn't have an alter ego. Or maybe they do and I just haven't caught on yet...

Just FYI Weirdos Watchers, this is Keri here. I'm Susan's sister and I'll be doing the blog updates for a few days while Susan packs up and moves about half way around the world. Hope you all don't mind!

Despair as a dieting tool

You know, I've noticed that if I post something you guys have seen in real life, you seem to think it doesn't belong on this blog.  Ha!  That's right.  I said "Ha!"  "Ha!" to the nth degree, because if there weren't people to buy this weird stuff, it wouldn't be made.  Just because you've seen it doesn't mean the people who made it aren't weirdos.  In fact, knowing some of you, as I do, it might even be an indicator of your own inner weirdoness, if ya know what I mean (fact:  I just had to add "weirdo" to the dictionary thingy that underlines things when they're misspelled.  Go figure).  Ahem.  Getting back to business.
There are quirky things that you would never buy for your awesomely weird self but which other people inflict upon you. Things like the Talking Fridge Decision Maker.  Think about what the manufacturer is implying you should do.  They want you to stand in front of your fridge and be voluntarily insulted by a talking tart.

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Hmmm.  I'm sure hungry; I should get something yummy out of the fridge.  Preferably something with chocolate pudding in it.  First though, I will press the button on this deceptively scrumptious looking little fridge magnet.
"A second on the lips is a lifetime on the lips!"
Okay, my harpy of a fridge magnet thinks this is hopeless too.  Well, I guess I'll TRY to diet.  I'll go find a rice cake.
*five minutes later*
I'm hungry again.  Maybe my magnet will be more encouraging this time.
"Those who indulge bulge!
[sniff]  I do feel really fat today. I guess everyone thinks so.
"Naughty pickers wear big knickers!"
Whoa!  I am NOT in kindergarten anymore.  And... and... knickers is a funny word.  So there.  I'm going to console myself with a cookie.

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(Yes.  I've seen the cookie diet before too:  eat nothing but 12 cookies a day and lose weight.  Save yourself the money and eat 12 pieces of bread a day and lose weight.  Or just 12 pieces of chocolate.  Or 12 oranges.  I guarantee that you will lose weight.  I'm a miracle worker like that.)

Thanks to Lisa R., who I think submitted this stuff a month ago.  That's a long time to crave cookies. 

OMGosh! The perfect stuff for your pooch!

Like, I totally, like, found the perfect, um, things, for my smoochie oochums.  Cause, see, like, I know that dogs don't like jumping.  So I've like totally gotten her a puppy ramp to get in and out of my hummer.  Now her nails won't get chipped or worn down, cause fer sure that would be yuck.

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And I bet you like can't guess what I got her for her birthday.  Like guess.  You don't know?  LOL!  I like totally, um, got her this cultured pearl necklace!  Cause like my little snuffy uffy would rather stay home than go outside without the perfect jewelry.

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Oops!  Sorry the picture looks totally like I took it with my phone!  Here's a closeup of the collar.  Er, I mean, necklace:

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I die!  It's bananas.  If you want one you're in lucky land cause this one necklace is only $139 (minimum order:  six).  Like totally.

Do they come in dreadlocks?

What nice blonde hair this model has.

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Ha!  You thought she looks normal don't you?  Take a closer look at her ears.  Yep.  She's wearing hair rings:  "Bijules NYC hair rings made of dyed real human hair."  

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Doesn't everyone want hair coming out their ears?  What's more, they cost a measly $286.  I think they should also come with rings for hairy knuckles.  Another look we're all wanting to sport.