Despair as a dieting tool

You know, I've noticed that if I post something you guys have seen in real life, you seem to think it doesn't belong on this blog.  Ha!  That's right.  I said "Ha!"  "Ha!" to the nth degree, because if there weren't people to buy this weird stuff, it wouldn't be made.  Just because you've seen it doesn't mean the people who made it aren't weirdos.  In fact, knowing some of you, as I do, it might even be an indicator of your own inner weirdoness, if ya know what I mean (fact:  I just had to add "weirdo" to the dictionary thingy that underlines things when they're misspelled.  Go figure).  Ahem.  Getting back to business.
There are quirky things that you would never buy for your awesomely weird self but which other people inflict upon you. Things like the Talking Fridge Decision Maker.  Think about what the manufacturer is implying you should do.  They want you to stand in front of your fridge and be voluntarily insulted by a talking tart.

(Source here)

Hmmm.  I'm sure hungry; I should get something yummy out of the fridge.  Preferably something with chocolate pudding in it.  First though, I will press the button on this deceptively scrumptious looking little fridge magnet.
"A second on the lips is a lifetime on the lips!"
Okay, my harpy of a fridge magnet thinks this is hopeless too.  Well, I guess I'll TRY to diet.  I'll go find a rice cake.
*five minutes later*
I'm hungry again.  Maybe my magnet will be more encouraging this time.
"Those who indulge bulge!
[sniff]  I do feel really fat today. I guess everyone thinks so.
"Naughty pickers wear big knickers!"
Whoa!  I am NOT in kindergarten anymore.  And... and... knickers is a funny word.  So there.  I'm going to console myself with a cookie.

(source here)

(Yes.  I've seen the cookie diet before too:  eat nothing but 12 cookies a day and lose weight.  Save yourself the money and eat 12 pieces of bread a day and lose weight.  Or just 12 pieces of chocolate.  Or 12 oranges.  I guarantee that you will lose weight.  I'm a miracle worker like that.)

Thanks to Lisa R., who I think submitted this stuff a month ago.  That's a long time to crave cookies.