Weirdness -- a New Fragrance by Calvin Klein

Some perfumes claim to make you irresistible to women. Others make you irresistible to classrooms full of pre-schoolers.

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I know most men are partial to a musty Old Spice scent, but nothing gets me going like the smell of wax crayons. Mm mm!

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Just in case you didn't want to be around the real thing, you can just dab on a little Tobacco andWhiskey cologne after you shave.

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Only slightly more manly, is the Sultry Sawdust aroma. Come home to your lady smelling like cedar and pine and everything fine! Even if you don't do any woodworking, you can still smell like someone who does. Women love smelly lumberjacks!

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Now for you ladies, you're in luck! The Sweethearts and the Tootsie Roll perfumes are on sale!

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It will be exactly like you have candy dabbed behind your ears, except not quite so sticky.

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Every body loves to smell minty fresh, why simply brush your teeth when you can use our new Junior Mints scent.

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In fact, why smell clean at all? Just go with the Dirt smell. Yummy!

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Go ahead...DRAW!

Alright everyone, listen up! THIS is a STICK - UP! Don't any body move. I'm Mad-Eye-Mustard and I'm gonna rob this here family bar-be-que. You happy people all have it coming, so just go ahead...make my day. Now hand over the relish, that's it, nice and slow. That's why they call me the Fastest Condiment Gun Slinger in the West.

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Now you all just lay face down on the patio with your hands on your head and I'll walk away slowly. And don't you never tell nobody about this here hold up, you here? Or I swear, you better watch out. You'll be walking down the street one day and you'll get a sandwich condiment in your back!

True Appreciation for Art

There's nothing like a beautiful piece of art work to really complete a room, right? There's nothing that says, "I have great taste, I'm classy, and I'm cultured" like a blow up Starry Night by Van Gogh.

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Or maybe you are more partial to DaVinci's work and would rather ponder the mysterious smile of the Mona Lisa.

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The great thing about this high-class pillow is that when you give her a squeeze, she lets out a peal of laughter (not creepy at all, right?) . She's been smirking at us for all these centuries. The only work of art more unnerving than a giggling pillow is Edvard Munch's "Scream".

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This lovely little number lets out a blood-curdling scream when hugged. How heart-warming! As the description on the retail sight says, this Screaming Scream is perfect for "a friend, a foe, or that special someone." So many options! What an awesome idea. I'm saving this gift idea for next Valentine's day.

Or you could just wear a bag on your head.

For centuries people have been finding clever ways of disguising themselves. Whether they're on the lam, robbing a liquor store, dressing up for halloween, or at Paris Fashion Week apparently.

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German designer Karl Lagerfeld, who sent this handbag down the runway, is said to be a genius and living legend. Most legends wear masks and superhero tights, but a well made and expensive handbag will help you stay in high fashion if you must remain incognito.

For those of us with less expensive taste for disguise and dramatic flair, these 'stache pencils will keep your co-workers guessing when lunches and deserts continue to go missing from the break-room fridge as the Mustached Office Meal Bandit strikes again.

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I know if I were going to do any thieving or double crossing, a mustache would be the way to go. And since fall fashions are just now sneaking in to stores, a nice warm ski-mask/hoody top is the perfect way to bundle up next time you are going out on the town...you know, to rob a bank or something.

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With so many disguise options, it's a wonder everyone doesn't have an alter ego. Or maybe they do and I just haven't caught on yet...

Just FYI Weirdos Watchers, this is Keri here. I'm Susan's sister and I'll be doing the blog updates for a few days while Susan packs up and moves about half way around the world. Hope you all don't mind!

Despair as a dieting tool

You know, I've noticed that if I post something you guys have seen in real life, you seem to think it doesn't belong on this blog.  Ha!  That's right.  I said "Ha!"  "Ha!" to the nth degree, because if there weren't people to buy this weird stuff, it wouldn't be made.  Just because you've seen it doesn't mean the people who made it aren't weirdos.  In fact, knowing some of you, as I do, it might even be an indicator of your own inner weirdoness, if ya know what I mean (fact:  I just had to add "weirdo" to the dictionary thingy that underlines things when they're misspelled.  Go figure).  Ahem.  Getting back to business.
There are quirky things that you would never buy for your awesomely weird self but which other people inflict upon you. Things like the Talking Fridge Decision Maker.  Think about what the manufacturer is implying you should do.  They want you to stand in front of your fridge and be voluntarily insulted by a talking tart.

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Hmmm.  I'm sure hungry; I should get something yummy out of the fridge.  Preferably something with chocolate pudding in it.  First though, I will press the button on this deceptively scrumptious looking little fridge magnet.
"A second on the lips is a lifetime on the lips!"
Okay, my harpy of a fridge magnet thinks this is hopeless too.  Well, I guess I'll TRY to diet.  I'll go find a rice cake.
*five minutes later*
I'm hungry again.  Maybe my magnet will be more encouraging this time.
"Those who indulge bulge!
[sniff]  I do feel really fat today. I guess everyone thinks so.
"Naughty pickers wear big knickers!"
Whoa!  I am NOT in kindergarten anymore.  And... and... knickers is a funny word.  So there.  I'm going to console myself with a cookie.

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(Yes.  I've seen the cookie diet before too:  eat nothing but 12 cookies a day and lose weight.  Save yourself the money and eat 12 pieces of bread a day and lose weight.  Or just 12 pieces of chocolate.  Or 12 oranges.  I guarantee that you will lose weight.  I'm a miracle worker like that.)

Thanks to Lisa R., who I think submitted this stuff a month ago.  That's a long time to crave cookies. 

OMGosh! The perfect stuff for your pooch!

Like, I totally, like, found the perfect, um, things, for my smoochie oochums.  Cause, see, like, I know that dogs don't like jumping.  So I've like totally gotten her a puppy ramp to get in and out of my hummer.  Now her nails won't get chipped or worn down, cause fer sure that would be yuck.

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And I bet you like can't guess what I got her for her birthday.  Like guess.  You don't know?  LOL!  I like totally, um, got her this cultured pearl necklace!  Cause like my little snuffy uffy would rather stay home than go outside without the perfect jewelry.

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Oops!  Sorry the picture looks totally like I took it with my phone!  Here's a closeup of the collar.  Er, I mean, necklace:

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I die!  It's bananas.  If you want one you're in lucky land cause this one necklace is only $139 (minimum order:  six).  Like totally.

Do they come in dreadlocks?

What nice blonde hair this model has.

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Ha!  You thought she looks normal don't you?  Take a closer look at her ears.  Yep.  She's wearing hair rings:  "Bijules NYC hair rings made of dyed real human hair."  

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Doesn't everyone want hair coming out their ears?  What's more, they cost a measly $286.  I think they should also come with rings for hairy knuckles.  Another look we're all wanting to sport.